Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Thoughts on the Business of Divorce

Al and Tipper
Thoughts on the Business of Divorce
By Fred Lybrand
Fresh off the press:

“We are announcing today that after a great deal of thought we have decided to separate,” the couple said. “This is very much a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together, following a process of long and careful consideration. We ask for respect for our privacy and that of our family, and we do not intend to comment further.”
This is the joint statement of Al and Tipper Gore.

I think we are all taken aback, friend and foe alike, for one reason and one reason alone— We thought they were real. They kissed on stage for the convention and claimed some role in the forming of “Love Story.” What happened? Are they hypocrites? Are all marriages doomed and teetering on the brink of failure?

Well, judging matters we know nothing of is both silly and wrong. Who knows? They may not even exactly know. Yes, we may find out there is an affair afoot or they just drifted apart. It really isn’t a moment to speculate as to why the Gore’s don’t see themselves as a match. It is, however, a moment for us to look at our own relationships. How long do you want it to last? What are you doing to increase your odds?

In Glaen, there is a simple understanding of what happens for relationships to last. The two little words are “basis” and “chemistry”—both are important, and both help the long term prospects.

I’m going to tip my hand and tell you that a marriage only has for “outs”—

1. Divorce

2. Suicide

3. Murder

4. Mental Illness

When it gets down to it I believe we are simply to marry ‘for keeps’. I have lots of divorced friends, and many of their marriages are awesome. Yet, in my crazy, conservative, and bible-based existence…it all seems like God’s second best to me…and, the third marriage is still a second-best to the second marriage (sorry for the confusion…it means stay in the marriage you are in).

I can only tell you that I have married for keeps…Jody may leave me…but she’ll have to leave me (I won’t quit). But there is something else here…I won’t quit working on BASIS and CHEMISTRY.

Basis is about what we share as a couple (do we have a basis to build a life together?)…chemistry is about whether we ‘do it’ for one another on a subtle and human level.

Starting with a good basis and a good chemistry is the way to go…run away if one or both aren’t there and you’ve made no commitment. And yet, please don’t quit if your are in a marriage. Build on it…work through the issues…offer a cool heritage to your kids and everyone watching.

I suppose that’s my grief with Al and Tipper. We can’t know anything about what happened with them…all we know for sure from their announcement is that they both quit.

Quitting, at least on the surface, is a Convenient Choice.

Too bad for so many.

Glaen: A Novel Message on Romance, Love and RelatingAuthor Fred Lybrand takes an in-depth look into relationships and dating, plus a little common sense for the real day-to-day world, in his latest book, Glaen. Lybrand has chosen a unique and effective way to present his knowledge of human relationships and romance by creating a storyline that allows readers to walk alongside believable characters as they discover and explore an exciting and more effective way to relate to those with whom they will share life’s most intimate relationships.

This is a repost (by permission) from The Glaen Book blog

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